Belling Susan

The previews end and the movie begins.
You are now sitting in a theater watching Belling Susan. You heard somewhere that this movie was pretty good, but it seemed a little familiar.
You begin to wonder why this sounds like a choose your own adventure book. The opening scene, which consisted of a bunch of teenagers practicing they're music in a garage, ended. You're left with an unfulfilling feeling already. Like you just paid five bucks for an average chick flick with bad music. You start to feel worse as the thought sinks in that you paid for times as much for the popcorn that's just as bad as you think the movie is. Shock....
And then little mice come on the screen. Not realistic little mice, like the ones in that one movie with the vet guy, but ones like the kind you find in kids movies. The kind that wear clothes. Anyway. The mice are running. Running far and running fast. And this blog is no longer about you, so you may not hear yourself mentioned as much.

Some run up a dresser, some into a hole. (The kind in that Tom and Jerry show.) Then, a cat comes bounding up from around the corner, and monster music ensues.
"It's Susan!" Cries a mouse of no import that wears overalls. Then that mouse gets eaten, and a child's laughter can be heard from across the theater.
Anyway, the cat chases the mice all over and more mice die. This goes on for the first fifteen minutes of the movie.

Then they go into this scene with about three or four male mice. They're cozy and safe inside their holes, away from "Susan." Some kind of scene happens where they picked on and everybody thinks they suck. They didn't really have to suck, but it's the stereotypical thing for people to hate, ignore, and/or boss around the main characters. I guess a girl mouse might come up, followed by the rival mouse that beats up the main hero. But those scenes aren't important to in the blog, so.... Moving on!

Later on, they all have a town meeting. There's a mayor mouse standing on that stand thing that I forgot the name of.
"We must do something about Susan!" He declared.
"Let's set a trrrap fo' the brrute!" Said one mouse, which was male and wearing some kinda kilt.
"Good show, man!" Said a nearby mouse, but then he screamed in horror as the mouse that had suggested it choked to death in front of him.
"Darn fangle it, Johm." The mayor whispered. "I told you not to sell anymore pretzels."
Another mouse suggested getting Susan trapped in molasses and left to... whatever animals trapped in molasses do.
They all thought it was a good idea, so they got together their best men, ah, mice and set out to do so. Half of them came back claiming that the others where trapped in molasses and they couldn't get any for the trap. They decided to leave the others...
At the next meeting they decided to sick one of 'er own traps against her. Once again it backfired.
That was followed by the bright decision to poison her food dish, but the person who was assigned to do so was eaten with the rest of the food. They found the poison he was supposed to use among his personal possessions.
"He could never bring himself to hurt a living thing." Said the relative who found it.

So, by now they felt hopeless. All hope was lost and they were out of ideas.
"Maybe... maybe if we just knew when she was coming." The mayor said, clenching his fists in that frustrated manner.
"Maybe we could bell her?" Said a mouse, trying to sound optimistic. Everyone else looked up, the mayor smiled broadly.
"YES!" He jumped up and ran up to the boy. "It's perfect."
The boy by now was freaked, he died of shock. But the mayor just jumped up on his stand thing.
"We'll bell Susan! Get the school bell!"
Mice ran over to the school area, which wasn't much just a corner with a bell and a bunch of crap. They grabbed the bell, leaving the school very bare, and ran back with it.
"It's here, sir!"
"Alright!"
"Who's going to bell it?" Asked a wise, old mouse.
Everyone went silent.................

INTERMISSION! (Play the cheery music)

When you come back in a mouse is standing at point blank range of the camera saying "Normally this is where the story ends, but let's kick it up a notch or two, shall we?" It was, of course, the main character mouse from before. But you only really saw this if you didn't get up during the intermission.

The show comes back on and the mice are still silent.
"................squeek!........shh............."
Then, the main mouse walks up and says. "I'll do it. I will bear the ring."
"What ring?" Says a guy in the background. But you get what the first guy was trying to say.
"Me too."
"And me."
"All of us."
These we're all his friends that stood behind him. The mayor, and all the people really, looked at them with new respect. Except for the coffin maker who was looking at their measurements.
"Then...." Said the mayor, in a shockingly soft tone. "..the task is yours."

So, they all got together and came up with a plan. It was foolproof. Probably the only reason it was fool proof was because the main characters had made it, but who cares about that.
They set out to do their plan and met face to face with the horrible (Or was it terrible?) Susan.
An exciting scene takes place where they go into the huge, cinematic battle that ends in the cat being belled and running off.
"Yay!" And there was much rejoicing.
They all came back and became hero's.

So, it happens now that whenever Susan comes by they hear it and scram. Strange how this is the most effective way, but it works.
And all is right in the world. Our hero's become popular, the guy gets the girl on some fight with the rival you never see, and a bunch of time passes.

3 days later......
A guy is taking a walk in the open, he doesn't hear the bell so it should be okay, and he finds....
DUNDUNDUNDUUUUUN! The Bell.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!" The mouse runs screaming back, dragging the bell behind him.
"What is it, man?"
"Susan.... the bell...Susan's lost the bell!"
They all thought this was very serious and had to think of a way to prepare for her attack, but before the could do anything.
THUMP, THUMP.
The heavy footsteps of a larger creature.
THUMP, THUMP.
They grew nearer.
THUMP, THUMP...... Creeeeeeack.
A door opened, and a the most humongous being some of them had ever seen walked in.
"Susan?" It called. "Susan, kitty. Are you there?"THUMP, THUMP, THUMP.
"I know you’re in here. I heard the bell. Where'd you- huh?" She stared down in horror at the mice, all gathered in place like a rodent invasion. "AIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEH!"
BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG!
It ran down with such rage that it made the ground shake.

A few minutes later an even larger one came in with the first one.
"Oh, no." It said. "Well, I'll just have to call the exterminator."
They left the room, but the many that had seen they're kind before looked on in horror.
"The exterminator....."
"She's gonna kill us!" And panic ensues.
"We must not panic!" Shouted the wise, old one as they all froze. ".....We must leave...now."
"Our forefathers have left many a home behind." Said a middle-aged mouse.
"Maybe that's why we always wear our hats." Said another.
And they all left the house, scattering, many of them never to see each other again.

Then as you sit there watching the credits of this film you wonder what paradox brought you here. What reason did you come here and pay the ridiculous fee. Why does the screen say "See, this is why you don't talk about Aesops Fables before bed." instead of telling you who to kill for producing this film.

And what is the moral of this story, children?
Don't pay for the popcorn. Just let someone else pay for the whole thing.
See you next week. (Cue the Twilight Zone theme)

There was this girl who talked with her eyes.

"There is no such thing as a boring subject. Only uninterested students."
So said a guest Seminary teacher. Not to long after my mom said. "But there is such a thing as boring teacher." I was disillusioned forever.

Somewhere in the corner of my existence a man named VF said...
"And what dark shades you have.
All the better to hide my evil intentions with." And the world was once again as it should be.

I could feel a smile as I thought, but so faint a smile that I'm not sure if my frontal conscience knew it was there. My thoughts wandered, to the left, to the right. I chased the train, not quite catching up to it. And before I knew it, it was out of sight. I spent the next couple minutes thinking about how to write this and it made me think of something.
It made me think of how my writing is inferior to others. How my paragraphs are choppy and short. I realized how unskilled my writing was and it made me a little sad. Then I see stars.

Another smile came, this one more broad. And I thought about all the people in Vienna that sacrifice themselves so we can eat Vienna sausage. I started to wish it'd go on sale.
Then, someone in the background went...
*buys vienna sausage and eats*
I cringed. Then, a girl that looked a lot like the ninja, only not dressed like a ninja, ran in wearing camo pants, a shirt that said Zen on the back and totting a gatling gun.
"Oh, no. You did not just write like that!" She exclaimed as the gun went off. BRRRRRAAAAACK!
I could see black.

As I sat in the blackness I had a dream. It was a dream about this town, the kind that are supposed to be California movies but are probably filmed somewhere else entirely. And in this town there lived a girl. A young woman really, and with her where these two kids.
I can't remember much about them, but I remember they where supposed to be the main focus.
I also remember this cross between the T-Rex out of Jurassic Park and the American version of Godzilla. You know, the one that's more like the T-Rex then any monster movie. They called Godzilla, I think. Or just something like it.
Most of what I remember of it was that the Godtilla-Rex was storming through town and eventually stormed this big, rich party. It ate most of the fat guests, regardless of gender or job.
Eventually, the army contained it in the huge estate it'd stormed. It didn't eat the army for some reason.

The view went back to the girl and kids. They were driving around in the Jeep they'd jacked earlier and somehow ended up in front of the estate gates. She was thinking "We need to get out of here." or something like that. Then some famous guy, a reporter or actor I think, walked up in front of them. He was standing in the open(?) gateway and was wearing grass on his feet. Upon asking him he told them...
"I'm goin' in looking for fossils. The military told me to wear these on my feet so the thing won't hear me. They also told me to put this in my pocket, it scares it away." He pulled out what looked like bits of poop.
Then Godtilla-Rex came up right behind him and chomped him without a thought. The guy looked like he was played by Will Smith.

Then it switched to Godtilla-Rex standing right in front of some guard further in the place.
He was breathing heavily into the guys face and the guys hair was blowing back from the air.
The guard had an unpleasant expression, like he didn't like all the hot air in his face. Duh.
Godtilla-Rex said in a raspy, heavily breathing voice. "Hah, hah. Manure..."
It continued to breath heavily and I woke up.

Meanwhile, out in the vastness of space was a meteor. Inside the meteor was a crayon.
And when the meteor landed (Which was about the point I woke up) the crayon came out and started to do a dance. And everyone who saw that dance was filled with joy. (Including the ungrammatically correct guy who got shot earlier.)
But little did they know, that with every step a light bulb would go pop, pop. And soon the world was filled with darkness, and the area of sorrow began. And I shall write a blog.....

(Here runs the ending credits. Although there really aren't any credits, I ask that you play some song that will make your head explode just to simulate the surround sound.)

Stereo Type Continued....

Back by popular request! The stereotype assignment went over so well with my siblings the so many days ago I actually wrote it. Then one suggested I put it in my blog, which is what it's doing down there. The explanation got on the wrong bus, took a plane in the opposite direction, and ended up traveling the world to accidentally get here is all. So, my sister said to continue it. Which I did, but in another post. (Enter unrelated picture that isn't and never will be uploaded.)
(Encore, Encore.) Thank you, thank you. I know you all where complaining about the price of hot dogs, but don't worry. I can assure you that it's all taken care of.... I'm not selling hot dogs anymore.
(And then the deep voice says...) "And now for our feature presentation."

Sir Slashalot and the lovely princess where riding blindly into the sunset. That was, of course, because the sun had temporarily blinded them. But you didn't come to the theatre to have the obvious pointed out. (You came to go deaf.) Any way, the princess....

They rode on until they came to a cliff.
"A shash!" Proclaimed Sir Slashalot. "I doth wonder how that gotteth there."
Meanwhile, the princess was still in naught but the cape.
"This won't do." The stereotype hero exclaimed. "I shall have to think up some unbelievable skill to get us down there."
"My Hero." Said the princess.

Suddenly, and with some warning a fair mile off the coast of China... (That being that the warning was there. Not the event.)
A man in armor walked up the path. What path you say? Why, the path just over there that was so blatantly obvious of course Sir Slashalot missed it.
Anyway, about the man in armor. He was walking up- Wait, I already told you that.
He was now in the clearing with our two stereotypical main characters. Which wouldn't be main characters if they hadn't killed off the last one in the last movie.

So, the man walked up to the girl and says in a booooooming voice.
"............. Nice cape."
"Thanks!" She says with a grin.
Then Slashalot catches this man talking to her and thinks he might be honing in on his girl. (And with her being in naught but a cape, I might be able to see why.)
"Ho, there!" He called over, and then ran over, and then got run over... by a milk cart.
The other two just kinda stared at the milk cart rolling down the rode.
The Armored Man tilted his head in disbelief. The princess said.
"......... I want milk."
The Armored man looked at her, then at the cliff, then at her, then....
"F*ck tha-

(Oh, no! I’m sorry, he's not allowed to talk like that. Scripts!)
"We will now return to our regularly scheduled blather."

Okay, recap. The Armored man was looking around, then he was saying something, good.
"Verily, verily, I say unto you. That if though shalt be ran over by a milk truck that though shalt be proclaimed a HERO and must DIE!!"
The he proceeded to run up to Slashalot's flattened corpse and started slashing i into many ity-bity-witty- ti- Not going there- Little pieces. Hahahahaha...
And a monotone laugh for good measure.
"NOOOOOOOO!" Cried the princess, who had just made the most emotional line ever in the whole thing. "You KILLED him!."
"HAAAAAA!" Proclaimed the Armored Man, who was now in a mad rush.
The princess ran up to the man, forgot all modesty, took off her cape (Which was quite nice and had belonged to the former main character.) and wrapped it around his neck. Then with a great cry she thrust him off the cliff, (It's gotta be there for something.) and into the depths of something I don't wanna bother thinking up below.

And then, a peace came over her. She was free, she was happy, and she was naked.
She had also become a murderer, and the sudden thought of this came over her and the happy feeling went away. She became filled with grief, anger, and darkness. (Yah, I know it's typical.)
She became suddenly ambitious and wanted to conquer the world. She had now become The Next Bad Guy. (Or Girl.) She walked home, naked, and prepared to write a cheesy plot for "The Next Movie".

"Stereo Type 2" is brought to you by the same people who brought you "Stereo Type 1", which incidentally is the same group that brought you "The World Wide Web". Please visit our non-existent website and make sure to click on all the character profiles. If you do this it'll bring you to the God Wars web page, and if you click all the character profiles there it just might make the first website exist in a week.
Please Comment.

Some one else's journal.

On Gaia there is a user by the name of I Feel Toast. I met (found, met, ran smack into, take your pick.) them on a dedicated RolePlayers area. And I looked at their journal. Long pause here. I was stunned and amazed. Not sure how to describe it, and I wanted to put a link to it, but you seem to need to be a member to look at it. I'll try to find a way for non-members to veiw it later. But for now, the link.
http://http://www.gaiaonline.com/journal/?u=441177

There once was a long and fine blog post, and it may come back, oh, next week. (Enter the fat lady.)

Stereo type Assignment.

The great lord Mastafesta wandered down the forest path, a scowl on her face. She normally didn't do the whole "Good guy guarding thing", being an evil lord and all. But, she was stranded and needed some cash to get home.
"Remind me again why I just didn't call for help?" She asked herself. But she hated to leave things unfinished, and a missing princess was definitely leaving things unfinished. She turned round the corner to find naught but the missing princess bathing in a spring. She breathed a sigh of relief.

"Princess..." She just stared for a bit, the princess turning in surprise. "Um, why are you bathing here?"
"Oh." The princess said, in a caned, high voice. "I got a little dirty when I fell of my horse. So, I thought a little bath would be nice.
"Mastafesta stared again, but this time in total disbelief. Her jaw slowly dropped. The princess stared back with big, stereotypical eyes, the kind you find on damsels everywhere.
Mastafesta was about to say something when suddenly...

"What, HO!" A voice cried from somewhere around, after looking around briefly Mastafesta could see a very obvious man trying not to lose his balance in a tree. The man jumped down. "Fear not, fair maiden. I shall protect you from this foul beast." He swung what looked like a prop sword at the stranded Demon Lord. Said demon lord just kept staring....
"......Are you serious?"
"Hoo, ha!" The man swung his sword.
"I am Sir Slashalot. And you.."
He aimed the sword at Mastafesta. "..are a dead man." He turns to the damsel, who is all like... "My Hero."

Mastfesta wonders why this naked princess she's supposed to be protecting is suddenly on the side of this weirdo. And while she was thinking, the man chopped off her head. Blood spew everywhere and the princess cheered.
"Hurrah! You defeated the Evil Lord!...And you got blood on me."
The man cleaned his sword on the nice, silky clothes of his dead foe, took the cape off her, and wrapped the princess in them.Then they all rode off into the shining sunset, all except Mastafesta who, in fact, was now dead.