Just so you know, I didn't up and die.

Though it may seem like it sometimes.
I know, this was supposed to be a weekly blog and I haven't updated for months. I could throw you some of my lame excuses, but I think I'll spare you the agony this time.

Just for a random update: I just finished eating dinner, which I cooked. Hamburger patties and rice... There's nothing interesting about that.
Now the fun side of the story! I'm not really the best cook and am currently sitting in fear that the meat wasn't cooked enough.
If it wasn't then I just food poisoned most of my family. (But mom didn't eat it so she can maintain her site.) If it was, then jolly good.

I also cooked way to much rice, and burnt it boot. Honestly I don't like rice that much, but I'd never had wished on it what I did to it today. Oh, the horror. Half cooked and burnt!
I was also supposed to make some gravy to go with it, but for dumb reasons that shall remain unlisted (they're just that dumb) it was spared from the same cruel fate as the rest.

Today's condiments of the day: Ketchup and Margarine!
They were by far the most helpful in hiding the flavor. By the way, I heard the Mayonnaise was invented by the French or something to hide the flavor of rotten fish.
'Course I don't like fish or mayonnaise, but that's to much information already.

Say, have I told you the story about the Disney Princesses? (Great copyright stuff and free advertising.)
I came up with it one day or another, doing something almost like nothing while thinking of some ad.
It involves them all at a party, a Christmas party I think. Most of the Disney Princesses are there with their boyfriends/husbands.

Prince Phillip, fiance of Princess Aurora, was beating all the other fine men in a card game of sorts.
What's his face, the husband of Cinderella who I'll call Bob, was taking it in stride and handing out cigars to everyone. A gift from his father, no doubt.

By the way, might I take a moment to point out my mental accent? (The very word of which is pronounce with a rather strong one.) It's of no particular region (another word dramatized), but I'm pretty sure it's of European decent. And it's coming out in the voice of a foreigner who lives no where near Europe.

Anyway, back to the story. (Wow, the accent is gone.)
Aladdin had been losing, greatly. And deciding he'd had about as much as he could take he sauntered over to join the flute playing Erik. (The only one who wasn't playing cards.)

"So...Erik." Aladdin started. "Any...new seashells?"
Erik simply continues to play the flute for Ariel, who was in a big tank of water and for some reason a mermaid. We like to blame the moon.
"No, no new seashells." Aladdin shook his head. He began to say something else but found himself interrupted by Snow White's high pitched giggle.
"Everyone?" She announced bubbly. "It's time to dance."

Snow White gracefully took the hand of her partner and began to dance. Soon, the card game was abandoned and the men took their partners. All except Erik who was playing the music, and couldn't dance with Areal now if he wanted to. Oh, and Aladdin.
Despite the dance being held at the Beast's house, Belle and her partner simply failed to appear.

"Aladdin?" Jasmin gave him the look. No, not that look. The other, playful one. "Aren't we going to dance?"
"Huh?" Aladdin looked troubled. He hadn't felt this on the spot since the monkey ate a hole through the Sultan's turban. Yah, he can't figure out how that happened either. "Um, why don't we just... sit around."
"Ah." Jasmin looked offended. "And just why would we do that?"
"Because..." Aladdin searched for an excuse. Anything but the truth. "Because, we don't wanna get our shoes dirty."
He smiled nervously and waited for her to buy it. She stared for a bit.
"Why don't you just admit you can't dance." And Jasmine stormed off.

Meanwhile, Rajah was trying to scoop Flounder out of another great bowl.

The dance continued on forever and a day (an hour and a half) then came to a slow halt.
Eventually, Snow White held up her graceful hand and and nodded for the others to pay attention.
"Everyone, we're going to open the presents!"
Much girlish squealing went about the room.
"Now, I'll get out the first one." SW started."
"Wait!" Called out Areal from her fairly large bowl. "We've gotta have a tree!"

True enough, there just wasn't a tree. The presents were neatly piled by the buffet table. (Which I might add had nothing on it for some reason. Maybe the dishes were having their own party.)
"Oh, dear." SW sighed. "Well, we can't get one so quickly can we? I guess, we'll just have to go without."
Most of the Princesses sighed and the guys went "Aww." Or maybe it was the other way around, anyway.
"Wait!" Areal called again. "I came prepared. I brought this....this, um... this.."
"Mess." Phillip finished.

Areal was floundering about her bowl with some weed and a string of tree lights.
"No, I've almost got it."
You almost got the impression she was trying to decorate it.
"Erik. Erik help me."
Erik walked over, reached in the bowl and help her untangle herself.
"You're pretty hopeless, you know." He laughed.
"Oh, Erik." Areal smiled back at him then reached into the water for the string. "Oh, here. Plug this in!"
Erik grabbed the end of the lights, laughed lightly and walked toward an outlet. (Who knows how the Beast got electricity.)

The others watched in shock and fear, stunned. Erik and areal laughed like a couple whatevers as he put the wet plug into the outlet.
Zap! Erik went flying and landed on his back.
Bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz. The electricity went through the wire and into the lights.
Inside this big bubble a miniature tree glowed all sorts of colors.
"Ooooooo."
Then... ZAP! Something went funky and the entire bowl was aglow, Areal included.
"AaaaaaaG!" Went Areal. "Aaaah." Went the others. Poof went the lights.
Dead silence............
Areal slowly floated to the top, fried, and with her tongue sticking out. The others watched for a bit, then moved away from the bowl.

"Now," Snow White continued her earlier speech. "I'll get the first present."
Over the course of the next few minutes various presents were given to the different attendees. Snow White got a basket of fruit, mostly apples. Cinderella got a single shoe to wear with the one glass slipper. She didn't have the heart to mention it was the wrong color. Aurora got a rose, spindle, and the gift of song.
"Didn't I get this last year?" She commented.
Jasmine had it pointed out that Rajah had drowned himself trying to eat Flounder.

"Rajah!" Jasmine ran up to the bowl were Rajah floated, upside down. He looked strangely like Areal at the moment. "Oh, Rajah."
Small tears began to fall from her eyes and Aladdin came to give her comfort.
"Jasmine. Jasmine, I'm sorry."
"It's okay." Jasmine sniffed, wiping her eyes. "I'll... I'll just name our baby after him."
"Okay, Jas- What!" Aladdin looked once again shocked. "Wha- what baby?"
"The one I'm having silly." Jasmine giggled sadly. "I was gonna tell you later tonight."
Aladdin was still shocked.

But directing the attention away for now...
Because Mulan just walked her the door with her rather Asian boyfriend!
"Hey guys, sorry I'm late." She strolled in with a manly manner. "Can't stay long."
From a pouched she pulled out a box, nicely wrapped and with a beautiful design.
"This is for all of you guys."
Most everyone gathered around the box and looked at it friendly like. Of course they had to share it. Of course they all wanted it for themselves, but we can't show that in a Disney story.

"We'll, we better get going." Mulan nodded.
"So soon?" One of the girls cooed. "Oh, please stay." Another chimed in. Ect, ect.
"Well..." Mulan looked to be considering it when her boyfriend said something in Chinese that obviously changed her mind. She responded in similar tongue. "I have something else to make it too." And with a polite bow she made her way toward the door.

"Oh, wait!" Cinderella called after her. Mulan turned. "Does you boyfriend speak English?"
"No." Mulan nodded.
"I see. Well, thank you!"
And with this they were gone.

Back with Aladdin...
"Wow, that was a short visit." Aladdin noted.
"Yah." Mr. Obvious, she thought.
"Hey, Jasmine?"
"Hm?"
"Why are we speaking English?"
Jasmine's eyes went wide and she stared. Then.. her head goes boom! Not in the gross horror movie way, but in the comical can-get-away-with-anything- way.
"Jasmine! Oh, no. You can't do this to me. What about Rajah 2! Oh, Jasmine..."
Aladdin's voice trails off as we ready to bring this post to a close.

There was a bit more but I forget most of it. It was pretty much sensless after this point.
Something about Snow White running off with Maleficent and a couple other girls.
This entire story just goes to show that I shouldn't let my imagination run wild. Or maybe that Disney should stop doing stupid spin-offs with stupid music, and stupid adds to inspire me!
Sorry.

In closing, I love Disney, I love most of these characters, I think Mom is pulling up, and I don't think that burger's going to kill me after all.
Bon Voyage, and maybe I'll post within the next week... or month, or year, or century, or millenia...

P.S.
No offense if your offended by this post. But it wasn't meant to offend and so maybe I should be offended by the fact that your offended. And maybe I've offended you now, so Good Day, sir.

In all seroiusness, I apologize for anyhting you may've found offensive in this post.